Two years a Survivor

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Eight months after completing my chemotherapy infusions, my brother-from-another Jonathan and I skinned up and summited Tumalo Mountain just before sunset, near Bend, OR. Here I am, saluting Jonathan and his constant support throughout my recovery….just before I broke down completely and wept.

It’s been a life-altering couple of years since my initial colorectal cancer surgery in January 2021. The LAR + ileostomy knocked me down physically, then the follow-up ileo reversal 5 weeks later put me back at square zero in terms of flexibility, strength and endurance. The winter of 2021 was the lowest physical point of my life, ever. Then, less than a month later in March, I began rounds of FOLFOX chemotherapy infusions.

During that time, however, I began to rebuild a different mindset, coupled with a determination to come back stronger than ever, both physically and mentally. I dealt with the physical setbacks, a painful trip to the ER, and handled the tremendous fatigue and nausea accompanying my chemo rounds with a simple thought: I will not let this define me.

I read two inspirational books that helped me develop elements of this new mindset:  Fear is a Choice by James Conner, and Denali by Ben Moon. Both of these men fought cancer, survived and are still thriving! Like me, James has deep Pittsburgh roots, and Ben is a real outdoor adventurer at heart. Their stories resonated with me before, during and after my treatment plan and became reference points throughout my recovery. Their described mindsets gave me structure, and my family provided the real desire to become a better father and husband through this endeavor. I’m forever grateful for all of these elements of my recovery.

So, here I am two years later. Since my recovery began, I took it upon myself to join High Steppe Climbing Center here in Yakima, so that I could regain my strength, expand my flexibility, and more importantly prove to myself that I can come back physically stronger than ever before. I challenged myself to complete Outdoor Emergency Care as part of White Pass Ski Patrol, and I began getting re-acquainted with mountain biking and peakbagging again.

I’m not ashamed to admit that as part of my recovery I began regular therapy sessions to work through the trauma of my cancer diagnosis, and lifelong anxiety. It’s a heavy feeling to look at your children and wonder if you’ll be around to witness their graduation, become a grandparent or just simply enjoy their presence. It’s also a fu$*ing heavy weight to carry around the worries that accompany the ongoing scheduled CT scan follow-ups and surveillance appointments. I’m grateful for what these therapy sessions have given me: an illumination of my fears, and tools/tricks to help recognize, acknowledge and move beyond them. Life’s too short to dwell on these fears, and my mind/body is too valuable to let these fears eat away at my recovery and better self.

I’m lucky to be alive, and happy to have the chance to thrive.

Life is Short. Live It. Una Vita, Vivila.

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